Mother’s Day is almost here. I want to make it clear: No thoughts here of disrespecting the day that we remember the woman who gave us life. I’m glad there is a Mother’s Day. Truly. What I'm questioning is, how do women without children — NotMoms — handle the day?
Reading comments to this blog and others by and for childfree and By Chance women, and by talking to childless friends, it seems clear that this holiday has hidden speed bumps. But, I also know women who are rather matter-of-fact. They wanted kids, didn't have them, and now, they don't think much about it, nor does Mother's Day mean anything to them but another Sunday. Are there as many reactions as there are NotMoms?
Some women said they prefer to stay at home on Mother’s Day to avoid being given a free flower or other business “gifts” to women customers. Either they quietly accept the rose or whatever, or they refuse it, saying “I’m not a mother.” Consensus feedback is that gift-givers generally push it more firmly in your direction saying, “Take one anyway” adopting a tone bordering on sympathy. No childfree woman ever wants that kind of sympathy, and few By Chance women can bear it.
By now, I'm never surprised when childless-by-choice friends tend to be a bit peeved when confronted with ubiquitous pink and cheery, misdirected good wishes. Likewise, women who once dreamed of their own Mother’s Day breakfast in bed had responses that ranged from sad to (confrontational) when asked a simple question:
“As a woman without children, what impact does Mother’s Day have on you, if any?”
What about you, Dear Reader? Does Mother’s Day affect you positively, negatively, or not at all? Do you spend so much time with your own mother that you really don’t think about the more personal side of the day? Or do you go to the movies and lose yourself in a good comedy?
But lets not also forget the 31 other special holidays in May (the greeting card companies will love you for it) 1 Mother Goose Day 2 Brothers and Sisters Day 3 Lumpy Rug Day 4 Bird Day 5 National Hoagie Day 6 National Nurses Day 7 National Tourism Day 8 National Teachers Day 8 World Red Cross Day 9 School Nurses Day 10 Clean up Your Room Day 11 Military Spouses Day 12 Birth Mother's Day 13 Mother's Day 14 Dance Like a Chicken Day 15 Police Officer's Memorial Day 16 Love a Tree Day 17 Pack Rat Day 18 Visit Your Relatives Day 19 Armed Forces Day 20 Pick Strawberries Day 21 National Waiters and Waitresses Day 22 Buy a Musical Instrument Day 23 Lucky Penny Day 24 National Escargot Day 25 National Missing Children's Day 26 International Jazz Day 27 Sun Screen Day 28 Memorial Day 29 Learn About Composting Day 30 Water a Flower Day 31 Save Your Hearing Day
Once I realized that motherhood wasn't going to happen for me, and adoption wasn't a viable option, t was blessed to find a retreat that helped me release the grief and move on. From there, I launched my blog/website, TheNotMom.com, which I hope is a resource for all women without children, regardless of how they got there. For me, it felt as though no one else understood what I was going through. The Internet, and the world, can be a very Mom-centered place. I know now that I wasn't alone, and neither are you. I pray that you find peace. Thank you for sharing your story.