Spending time with family this holiday season? Gird your loins. Thanksgiving and December holidays can be a really painful time for NotMoms. It’s always about the absence of children; sometimes it’s about the presence of relatives.
Many a NotMom is headed home to a house full of unwanted questions. “Still no kids? Did you try [fill in the blank]?.” Or, to the deliberately childfree: “Are you sure you’re not gonna change your mind? You’ll be sorry later!”
For a childfree-by-choice woman, visions of bitchslapping Aunt Minnie may spring to mind. For the NotMom who really wanted children badly, a nosy, thoughtless remark can spark spontaneous tears.
The Yuletide lessons are for you, not them, and the word to remember is Boundaries. Yup. Those cattle are gettin’ ready to run right off the ranch. Round ‘em up and keep ‘em where you want ‘em to be.
“No, Aunt Minnie. I haven’t changed my mind and I don’t plan to. Can I get you another cup of punch?” Then, disengage. Walk away if at all possible, or risk escalation.
“My personal life is personal, Aunt Minnie.” Then, disengage.
In either case, your visit should be over in just a few days. Boundaries must remain in place forever.
By Chance NotMoms are finding their own path and gifts they offer the world that don’t include children. Childfree by choice women I know are more accepting of a life without kids; they just wish others were as accommodating.
Remember the facts, and share them as needed: More American women than ever before — one-fifth –will never give birth. You are not alone.